walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
