Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Green mimosas i think yes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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