I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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