we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
