dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
