just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
