Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
