2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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