Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
