I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
