The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
