The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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