it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
