At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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