garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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