your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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