She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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