i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
