butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
