Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just forgot I was standing up.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
