Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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