Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
