I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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