I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
