I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
