i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
