i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
