wrigley field is MILF paradise
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do herpes really smell.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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