After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
