i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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