i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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