glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
