She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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