just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
