yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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