and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
