ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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