I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
