Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize