just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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