I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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