i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
