Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
