you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
