I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
