i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need moral support for this bender
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
