i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
