So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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