apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
