Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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